Tick Tock!

I went to BYU and they have a strict "no co-eds in your apartment after midnight" policy. My roommates were pretty normal about it but if I was at my boyfriend's apartment after midnight, his roommate would come into the living room and imitate a clock striking midnight by clapping his hands over his head and saying "Tick Tock! It's Midnight! Time to go!" He stood there like that until I left. 

She Doesn't Even Go Here!

    

 I live with one of my best friends and a random girl we don’t know in a house. We thought this girl seemed really cool. She’s several years older than us, but a huge baby. She is the epitome of a bad roommate. One evening after a night on the town, me and my best friend returned home to sleep. As I enter my room, I hear my friend yell from her room. There was a drunken, naked stranger sleeping (and DROOLING WHAT APPEARED TO BE VOMIT) in her bed. Apparently, our roommate had a guest from out of town visit and told her we wouldn't be coming home and that it was okay to sleep in our beds. We tried to wake the girl and tell her to move nicely, but she was plastered and started to curse and yell at us. Our roommate then yelled at us to “quiet down” because she was trying to sleep.

Image here. 

Get your Tan on

One of my very conservative roommates and I had a class at the same time, and had to walk all the way across campus to get there from our dorms. Since it was summer, I'd roll my sleeves up to get some sun on my shoulders and keep from getting a farmer's tan. One day she asked me why I did that everyday, and I told her. She replied, "I think farmer's tans are sexy...they show you're modest."

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Avoiding the Mess

     I had a disastrously messy and annoying roommate. I tried my hardest to avoid him and his mess at all costs. So when he told me that he would be away for "Hell Week," with his fraternity, I looked forward to the vacation. The moment he walked out the door, I immediately started kicking and shoving his stuff from around the room to under and on top of his bed. I could finally move around my dorm without fear of catching a bacterial infection! In the middle of my cleaning frenzy, he rushed back in to quickly grab something he forgot. I froze. I was caught. He didn't say a word to me, just grabbed what he needed and left. I hope that he would get that his mess pissed me off and he would be a little tidier after that, but he wasn't. 

Keep the Planet Clean (and me out of trouble)

My dorm roommate littered our room and bathroom with his sweaty exercise clothes, which is one thing. But  he left them lying around for weeks and I am not kidding you - weeks! They quite literally began to rot. The smell was sour, putrid. All around me his trash, dirty dishes, and packs of condoms were piled high. I kept quiet until he stashed bottle of whiskey on a shelf. If alcohol was caught in our dorm we'd both be kicked out and I didn't want my good name going down in this mess. After asking him to get rid of it for my sake, he instead hid the bottle under some clothes in his closet. Problem = not solved. 

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Privacy, Please

My college roommate liked to leave the bathroom door open, if you know what I mean. So it was everyone's business that he was completely unsanitary and refused to flush the toilet or wash his hands. One time, I made the mistake of using the bathroom after him, but what I found was bloody water in the toilet and drops of blood all over the seat! I don't even want to know...

World War Decor

I moved in with five other girls one year and I only knew one of them. The walls in our apartment were quite bare, so I put a couple pieces of art up, some candles, and a couple other random things. The next day when I came home, I noticed they were in a different spot, which I thought was weird. Come to find out, a couple of the girls didn't like where I put my stuff. So I moved it back. A couple days later, one of them hung up this really REALLY ugly purple tie-dye BLANKET on the wall above the couch. She said if I could decorate, then so could she. I took it down. I mean, it was fugly...purple tie-dye? No. So we went back and forth for a couple of weeks, taking each other's "decor" down or moving it. Basically, an all out decorating war. It ,was really obnoxious. But I mean, really? A purple tie-dye blanket on the wall? No.

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Shoplifters of the World, Unite

After a few years of living on my own, I had a roommate that was fresh out of high school and still very immature. She was a complete liar and a thief and she was constantly eating everyone else's food. It got so bad that one of my other roommates made brownies packed full of ex-lax and left them out as bait! She stole jewelry and CDs and other random things around the apartment. As she was young and gullible, another roommate and I were able to convince  her that MTV was going to come and make a reality show centered around us. We even got her to sign a fake waiver! We once overheard her telling her boyfriend she might be on MTV. She was probably disappointed to see that the show never aired.

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My Poor Chicken

     My roommate ate a weeks worth of chicken I had prepared when I was especially poor and trying to avoid eating out. I asked her about it and she admitted to it and apologized. As a friendly reminder, I left a note on the fridge because I couldn't afford to have my food eaten. Two weeks later after we literally talked about it face to face, she sent me a text saying I needed to “say it to her face” and “let’s hash this out like big girls."

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Mi Casa es (Not) su Casa

My roommate’s boyfriend has a key. I found that out when I was studying one day and he entered our apartment. I didn’t really care until he went into the bathroom, took an enormously large and awful smelling dump, and then left. He lives a few blocks away.

Midnight Workout (of the Karate variety)

   One of my roommates would practice Karate moves in a full karate suit every night. Before going to bed with his nun-chucks, he would bring them to check each window and door in the apartment, along with a maglite flashlight, in the pitch black darkness of our house. 

     This same roommate would also slurp snot out of his sinuses! If you knew me, you would know this is a huge pet peeve of mine. One time, we were riding in the car together and after the millionth nose-slurp, I snapped! I unbuckled his seat belt and veered off to the side of the road, threatening to toss him out of the moving car! We bounced along the shoulder for a while, while he screamed and shouted at me "You're Crazy!" I told him he is the one who made me crazy! And then I pulled back onto the road. An appropriate way to handle conflict, no?

Honestly, Honor Codes

I asked a roommate to burn a CD for me because I liked the music she was listening to. She said no, because that would be breaking the BYU honor code.

Living with a Pig

My roommate my freshman year of college was almost literally a pig accepted to the university. At three AM, while most people including myself are asleep, he'd come back to our dorm, loudly heat up a hot pocket and eat it chewing with his mouth open and breathing as heavy as I'd ever heard a person breathe while eating. He would enjoy those hot pockets while watching YouTube videos and although he kindly wore headphones, he would also laugh. out. loud.

 I had to sleep with an iPod ready for when he got home to ignore the mouth noises, and cologne on my pillow to avoid the hot pocket stench. You know how it is once you don't like someone, and then every thing they do drives you crazy? It was like that.

Image found here.

One Man's Treasure...

I bought a really nice pitcher to make sangria with. I left it in the kitchen and before I ever got to make sangria with it, my roommate put sunflowers that her boyfriend gave her in the pitcher. We have like 7 vases. A few weeks later, I bought my other roommate roses for her birthday and put them in a vase. Our 3rd roommate’s cat broke the vase the next day while we were gone, and instead of putting the flowers in another vase (or my freaking pitcher, where was that idea?) she threw perfectly beautiful and alive flowers in the trash. We wondered where they went for like a week.

You're Welcome (Not)

   My roommate went out of town. She has a cat and asked me to feed it while she was gone for $20. She didn’t leave any cat food so I fed it my tuna all weekend. She came back, never apologized, and never paid me.

Image found here.

My House, My Granny Panties

I have a roommate that embarrassed me beyond words one Sunday in church. One Sunday a month, members of the congregation are invited to come up to the front and share their feelings about God and his hand in our lives. My roommate and I both got in line to speak into the mic. She went first and started to talk about how much she loved her roommates, especially me and how it's so funny that I walk around in my underwear all the time. She told an entire congregation of people that I walk around our apartment in my granny panties! Trying to save face, I took my turn after her and said "Hello. I'm the underwear girl." Got some laughs but I'll never forget being put on the spot like that!

Happy Birthday! and the Silent Treatment

My freshman year roommate wasn't a horror story, she was just awkward and uncomfortable to be around. I could never so much as change my clothes without feeling like she was totally creeped out by my partial nudity. She didn’t go out and I could tell she judged me when I did. She kept to herself and was very considerate of me, but no matter how many times I tried to joke with her or do something nice for her, there was just never a friendship spark.

For her birthday, I decorated the room with streamers and fun stuff. I even bought her a gift. When my birthday came around, she started counting down the days on our dry erase board. I was flattered. When my birthday actually came—not a word. It didn't bother me that she didn't decorate or buy me something, she literally did not speak a word to me. There is no way she could have forgotten because I was opening presents with my friends in the room while she sat silently on her computer. Later on in the evening, I returned from dinner around 8 to a completely dark room and my roommate in bed. She was someone who regularly stayed up until one or two A.M… so on my birthday—which she completely failed to acknowledge—I’m supposed to respect her being in bed at 8 PM?? on a Friday night. It was so rude and strange to me. I only spoke to her when I had to after that (2 more months).

Secret Nerd Love

My roommate and his girlfriend learned Klingon and would have secret nerd love conversations.

Midnight Workout

So every night at about 3 or 4am other roommates and I would hear this loud banging out in the hallway. When one of my roommates got up to investigate, she found my "unique" roommate doing exercises stepping up and jumping off a kitchen chair in the hallway. Our living room was just a few extra feet away. You can imagine how loud that must be in the middle of the night. She would go to bed, then wake up super early, do these incredibly noisy exercises and go back to bed all sweaty. It was so weird. Literally ANY OTHER TIME is a better time to work out then 3-4am. I never thought about it until now, but our downstairs neighbors must have wanted to kill us...

One day we all walked into the apartment to find the same girl standing on a chair (she was the shortest girl of the six of us in the apartment) reaching into some food in the cabinet above the fridge (which naturally belonged to the tallest girl in our apartment) and just shoving food into her face. We all gasped and stood there, shocked. 

Infrequent Bather

I had a roommate that would shower once a week.

Clothing Thief

I have several stories revolving around one roommate in particular. She was from Alaska. Petite, kind of quiet and awkward.. Sometimes I would walk into my bedroom and find her trying on my clothes. We were NOT the same size. She was way tinier than me! She would gasp and awkwardly cover herself as she had her arms midway into one of my sweaters or shirts, never having asked if she could borrow it or try it. I would either walk out and shut the door and re-enter a few minutes later to her sitting on her bed reading a book as if it never happened, or I would walk in and pretend I didn't see what was going on and grab what I needed and leave. One time she went out of town and took a pair of my shoes with her. Shoes I wore almost daily. Again, she never asked. And it wasn't like we were particularly close which made it all the more uncomfortable. Someone kept going into my makeup bag and using my stuff. The funny thing is, had she just asked, I would let her use or borrow whatever she wanted! I asked during a "roommate meeting" for whoever was using my makeup to please stop. Or just ask me first but they didn't. We all knew it was her. Finally I left a note in my makeup bag that said "Karma is a real thing. Using someone's things without asking them is STEALING!" and it stopped after that.

Bath Salts Gone Bad

My family and I once lived next door to this young, single guy and I could often hear his video games through our shared wall. One day it was particularly loud but I ignored it until a few hours later, he came to my door fully dressed but dripping wet, wringing his hands, screaming and begging me to call 911 as he swatted furiously at his skin! He continued to flail around and scream as my kids stared, terrified, from behind me. I called the paramedics and waited with him until they arrived. Later on, he said he didn't remember much of what happened and I asked if he wanted me to fill in the gaps but he was too embarrassed to talk to me about it. 

Bathroom Stench

After summer break, I came home to a new roommate and the first thing she said to me was "I'm going to buy my own toilet paper because I use a lot." She wasn't lying. Needless to say, I started using the other bathroom to avoid...the stench.