Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Work it Out

My roommate leaves notes telling me not to touch the thermostat when I'm cold. She says if I exercised as much as her, then I'd be hot all the time too. 

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

She Works Hard for the Money

My roommate would leave the lights on all the time and I never said anything about it. But the one time I left lights on myself, she texted me to say "I work hard for my money. Please don't leave lights on."

Monday, December 22, 2014

Reduce Reuse Recycle

When I first moved in to my new place, I would put my recycling next to the trash can, like my family used to do at home. My roommate would bring it into my room while I was away and put the recycling on my bed. 

Friday, December 19, 2014

And You Are?

I once woke up in the middle of the night to a strange man in my dorm room and my roommate no where to be seen. He said she let him use the room to study. I wasn't too happy.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

I'm Calling Your Mom

I lived with three roommates, and we all sucked at doing the dishes. Supposedly, it was my turn, so one of the roommates texted me about how I needed to do them right that minute. Well, I was in class, so it needed to wait. She started talking about how immature I was and irresponsible. I laughed it off, because she was the same as me, and told her it would get done when I got to it. She didn't like that, and somehow got my mom's cell phone number. She actually called my mom and has my mom to tell me to do the dishes. My awesome, sweet, polite mother called me, and said she didn't like the way that young woman spoke to her, but maybe I should just do the dishes and from then on, keep my stuff separate. That was the last time I did anyone else's dishes for them.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014


One of my freshman roommates' room stank with a smell we called "rotten feet-ces." Any time he opened the door it would waft into the central living area. The stench followed him around, on his body or clothes. When we were packing up at the end of the year, he found a old bloated half gallon of milk festering under his bed. Must have been months and months old.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Pay Up.

My roommate moved out a few days before I did, and took our cable modem and one of our cable boxes with her, resulting in me getting charged a couple of hundred bucks for not returning the rented equipment. When I was finally able to hunt her down, she refused to pay up and stopped returning my calls and e-mails.

Monday, December 15, 2014

You Deal With It

When I got our apartment a new microwave, my roommate caught a bag of popcorn on fire inside of it while I was in class. I came back to find the inside of the brand new microwave completely blackened, and the singed bag still in there. When I asked why she didn't clean it up, she said that because it was my microwave, I had to deal with it.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Shaving Etiquette

My roommate would shave her legs in our kitchen sink. 

Thursday, December 11, 2014

I'm Fine.

One morning at 3:00 AM my roommate fell from his top bunk and hit his head on our mini fridge. I awoke to him kneeling in the middle of the room, yelling. He told me he just fell on his face and when I asked if he needed any help, he said no, so I fell back asleep. I got up later that morning and my roommate was nowhere in sight. I opened up Facebook and his profile picture was him in a hospital bed with a neck brace! His face was half purple. I looked at the top of a fridge, and there's a small dent...

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

You. Are. Smoking. Pot

One time my roommate walked into our dorm room, saw smoke from the incense I was burning, and started having a literal panic attack. She was clutching her heart, hyperventilating, and fell against the wall. I asked her what was wrong. She said, between gasps of air, "You. Are. Smoking. Pot." It was really difficult to stifle my laughter as I reassured her that it was just incense that was burning. She eventually calmed down, but was still worried we were going to get busted for the incense.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

First Love

My roommate was a pretty shy guy. He didn't talk a lot, only had one friend, and spent most of his time playing halo with said, friend. Eventually, toward the end of the year, he got a girlfriend. This was his first girlfriend, and I think he was her first boyfriend too, and they had a weird way of showing intimacy. For example, she would regularly spend an hour or more popping zits on his back. Also, he once told me that when he or she had to take a "number 2", the other would sit in the bathroom as well to keep each other company.

Monday, December 8, 2014


A friend had a roommate who would pee in his trashcan. When my friend asked him stop, he started peeing in my friend's trashcan instead.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Self Obsessed

I had a roommate who basically stayed in our tiny room all day. I'm not even sure she went to class. Most of the time that I looked over at her she was looking at photos of herself on her computer. Her desk was also covered in framed snapshots of herself. Not herself and friends; just herself.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

If Not Me, Then Who?

I lived with three girls and one of them dropped a raisin in the middle of our kitchen floor. I'm partly complicit in this since I didn't pick it up myself but that raisin stayed there until the day we moved out.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014


An old roommate of mine kept a collection of rocks and fish tanks filled with dirt under his bed. 

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Dirty Dishes

My roommate left potato soup on the bathroom counter for four days and it turned neon pink.

Monday, December 1, 2014

My Lips Hurt.

I walked into my room and my roommate was eating my chapstick. 
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