Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Feng Shui

My roommate texted me two weeks before we moved in together to let me know she switched our rooms because she liked the angles better. 

PePe le Pew

My roommate would only shower every 3 days and you could smell her before you could see her and the smell would linger for hours long after she'd left a room.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Rock the Vote, Schmock the Vote

My roommate once looked me dead in the eye and said "I don't pay attention to politics because they don't affect me."

Friday, November 21, 2014

Ain't Nobody Got Time For That

My roommate used to poop on the toilet seat and refused to clean it up. She told me, "Not everyone has time to check the seat after they poop"

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Bio Spill

I had a roommate who had open cups of his own urine on his desk so that he had "fresh urine" to pass drug tests. I found it out the hard way when one spilled all over me.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Old Soul.

I had a housemate who wore long Victorian nightgowns and spent every night playing her keyboard on the harpsichord setting.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Everything in Moderation

I had a roommate in college who skipped class and time with friends to spend hours and hours every day watching TV, shoving food in his face, and playing video games. When he found out his failing grades in his Chinese class, he complained about the teacher's method of grading/teaching. 

Monday, November 17, 2014

Just Do Your Thing. I'll Be Here.

I locked myself out of my apartment one afternoon. Luckily my roommate was inside, but unluckily he was in the shower. It was 4 PM and he was in the shower. It seemed like an obnoxious time to shower in the moment. I had to wait outside until he checked his phone again and realized I was on the porch. 

Friday, November 14, 2014

You Don't Know What You're Missing

My sister moved in with me her freshman year of college. Having never had roommate horror experiences of her own, the issues she'd bring up with me were the few crumbs left by the toaster or the wrong Cheez-Its flavor I bought. I mean, really? 

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Love at Home

One year I lived in an apartment with two of my siblings. Everyone asked why we'd do that since supposedly most people don't get along with siblings. We'd tell people we got along fine and that we were close. That was true most of the time, but there were plenty of times when the three of us would literally be yelling over each other, locking ourselves in our rooms, and calling home to complain to our parents. I guess I'm a third responsible for contributing to the conflict, even though I'm the oldest.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014


My roommate took off all of her clothes to poop. When she was done, she would get dressed again. She thought everyone did this. 

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

And then there were 3.

I had a roommate so obsessed with her (creepy) boyfriend, that she left him on Skype throughout the day, even when she left the room. It was like having a third crazy roommate. Once, she sat on the floor directly behind me, facing my desk, staring at a picture of the dude. For ten whole minutes.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Screw it.

Apparently, my roommate doesn't know how to use light switches because he turns off the light by unscrewing the lightbulb.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Geography 101

I had a roommate that tried to argue with me that San Francisco is in Washington, after I told her that I was born and raised in Cali and have been to San Fran many times.

Thursday, November 6, 2014


I had a roommate who only showered about once a week, then complain that she itched all over. She's a Pagan, and would do rituals or "wishes" as she called them with her Harry Potter wand she bought at Universal Studios.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Drunk Fight

I lived in a four person college apartment with three other guys. One guy would get hammered every single night. He would then proceed to go full-on redneck and try to fight all of us. It got so bad that we finally went to Lowes and bought some zip ties. After several nights of having his arms and legs bound, he finally moved back in with his parents.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Hot Mess.

I used to have a roommate that didn't clean up, would wipe her make up off on my bath towel, and drove home hammered drunk. Once she even drove through our garage door! She used the barbeque but did not pull it away from the house and all of the siding melted around it. She once bought a dog while I was on vacation and I came home to puppy "accidents" all over the house, including my room and my couch. 

Monday, November 3, 2014

Noisy Fish

The craziest roommate I ever had wouldn't let me get a fish because she said they were too noisy. I never knew fish made noise.
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