Thursday, July 31, 2014
Tick Tock!
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
She Doesn't Even Go Here!
I live with one of my best friends and a random girl we don’t know in a house. We thought this girl seemed really cool. She’s several years older than us, but a huge baby. She is the epitome of a bad roommate. One evening after a night on the town, me and my best friend returned home to sleep. As I enter my room, I hear my friend yell from her room. There was a drunken, naked stranger sleeping (and DROOLING WHAT APPEARED TO BE VOMIT) in her bed. Apparently, our roommate had a guest from out of town visit and told her we wouldn't be coming home and that it was okay to sleep in our beds. We tried to wake the girl and tell her to move nicely, but she was plastered and started to curse and yell at us. Our roommate then yelled at us to “quiet down” because she was trying to sleep.
Image here.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Get your Tan on
One of my very conservative roommates and I had a class at the same time, and had to walk all the way across campus to get there from our dorms. Since it was summer, I'd roll my sleeves up to get some sun on my shoulders and keep from getting a farmer's tan. One day she asked me why I did that everyday, and I told her. She replied, "I think farmer's tans are sexy...they show you're modest."
Image here.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Avoiding the Mess
I had a disastrously messy and annoying roommate. I tried my hardest to avoid him and his mess at all costs. So when he told me that he would be away for "Hell Week," with his fraternity, I looked forward to the vacation. The moment he walked out the door, I immediately started kicking and shoving his stuff from around the room to under and on top of his bed. I could finally move around my dorm without fear of catching a bacterial infection! In the middle of my cleaning frenzy, he rushed back in to quickly grab something he forgot. I froze. I was caught. He didn't say a word to me, just grabbed what he needed and left. I hope that he would get that his mess pissed me off and he would be a little tidier after that, but he wasn't.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Keep the Planet Clean (and me out of trouble)
My dorm roommate littered our room and bathroom with his sweaty exercise clothes, which is one thing. But he left them lying around for weeks and I am not kidding you - weeks! They quite literally began to rot. The smell was sour, putrid. All around me his trash, dirty dishes, and packs of condoms were piled high. I kept quiet until he stashed bottle of whiskey on a shelf. If alcohol was caught in our dorm we'd both be kicked out and I didn't want my good name going down in this mess. After asking him to get rid of it for my sake, he instead hid the bottle under some clothes in his closet. Problem = not solved.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Giveaway Winner!
Our winner of the Rifle Paper Co. "Get it Done" notepad is...
Caroline Rane!
Caroline, please email stopwearingmyclothes@gmail.com with your shipping address!
Thank you to everyone who liked SWMC on facebook and twitter! Stay tuned for more contests and giveaways!
Privacy, Please
My college roommate liked to leave the bathroom door open, if you know what I mean. So it was everyone's business that he was completely unsanitary and refused to flush the toilet or wash his hands. One time, I made the mistake of using the bathroom after him, but what I found was bloody water in the toilet and drops of blood all over the seat! I don't even want to know...
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
World War Decor
I moved in with five other girls one year and I only knew one of them. The walls in our apartment were quite bare, so I put a couple pieces of art up, some candles, and a couple other random things. The next day when I came home, I noticed they were in a different spot, which I thought was weird. Come to find out, a couple of the girls didn't like where I put my stuff. So I moved it back. A couple days later, one of them hung up this really REALLY ugly purple tie-dye BLANKET on the wall above the couch. She said if I could decorate, then so could she. I took it down. I mean, it was fugly...purple tie-dye? No. So we went back and forth for a couple of weeks, taking each other's "decor" down or moving it. Basically, an all out decorating war. It ,was really obnoxious. But I mean, really? A purple tie-dye blanket on the wall? No.
Dont forget to enter the giveaway, here.
Dont forget to enter the giveaway, here.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Shoplifters of the World, Unite
After a few years of
living on my own, I had a roommate that was fresh out of high school and still
very immature. She was a complete liar and a thief and she was constantly
eating everyone else's food. It got so bad that one of my other roommates made
brownies packed full of ex-lax and left them out as bait! She stole jewelry and
CDs and other random things around the apartment. As she was young and
gullible, another roommate and I were able to convince her that MTV was going to come and make a
reality show centered around us. We even got her to sign a fake waiver! We once
overheard her telling her boyfriend she might be on MTV. She was probably
disappointed to see that the show never aired.
Image here.
My Poor Chicken
My roommate ate a weeks worth of chicken I had prepared when I was especially poor and trying to avoid eating out. I asked her about it and she admitted to it and apologized. As a friendly reminder, I left a note on the fridge because I couldn't afford to have my food eaten. Two weeks later after we literally talked about it face to face, she sent me a text saying I needed to “say it to her face” and “let’s hash this out like big girls."
Get it Done Giveaway!
To say thank you for supporting me in this new blog venture, I want to give my readers a little somethin' somethin'! Thank you for submitting your stories and coming back here daily to read what others have had to say! Enter to win this Rifle Paper Co. Notepad by following the instructions below. You can enter in up to four different ways and a winner will be chosen on Friday! Good luck!
Friday, July 18, 2014
Mi Casa es (Not) su Casa
My roommate’s boyfriend has a key. I found that out when I was studying one day and he entered our apartment. I didn’t really care until he went into the bathroom, took an enormously large and awful smelling dump, and then left. He lives a few blocks away.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Midnight Workout (of the Karate variety)
One of my roommates would practice Karate moves in a full karate suit every night. Before going to bed with his nun-chucks, he would bring them to check each window and door in the apartment, along with a maglite flashlight, in the pitch black darkness of our house.
This same roommate would also slurp snot out of his sinuses! If you knew me, you would know this is a huge pet peeve of mine. One time, we were riding in the car together and after the millionth nose-slurp, I snapped! I unbuckled his seat belt and veered off to the side of the road, threatening to toss him out of the moving car! We bounced along the shoulder for a while, while he screamed and shouted at me "You're Crazy!" I told him he is the one who made me crazy! And then I pulled back onto the road. An appropriate way to handle conflict, no?
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Honestly, Honor Codes
I asked a roommate to burn a CD for me because I liked the music she was listening to. She said no, because that would be breaking the BYU honor code.
Living with a Pig
My
roommate my freshman year of college was almost literally a pig accepted to the
university. At three AM, while most people including myself are asleep, he'd come back to our dorm,
loudly heat up a hot pocket and eat it chewing with his mouth open and
breathing as heavy as I'd ever heard a person breathe while eating. He would enjoy those hot pockets while watching YouTube videos and although he kindly wore
headphones, he would also laugh. out. loud.
I had to sleep with an iPod ready for
when he got home to ignore the mouth noises, and cologne on my pillow to avoid
the hot pocket stench. You know how it is once you don't like someone, and then every thing they do drives you crazy? It was like that.Image found here.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
One Man's Treasure...
I bought a really nice pitcher to make sangria with. I left it in the kitchen and before I ever got to make sangria with it, my roommate put sunflowers that her boyfriend gave her in the pitcher. We have like 7 vases. A few weeks later, I bought my other roommate roses for her birthday and put them in a vase. Our 3rd roommate’s cat broke the vase the next day while we were gone, and instead of putting the flowers in another vase (or my freaking pitcher, where was that idea?) she threw perfectly beautiful and alive flowers in the trash. We wondered where they went for like a week.
Monday, July 14, 2014
You're Welcome (Not)
My roommate went out of town. She has a cat and asked me to feed it while she was gone for $20. She didn’t leave any cat food so I fed it my tuna all weekend. She came back, never apologized, and never paid me.
Image found here.
Friday, July 11, 2014
My House, My Granny Panties
I have a roommate that embarrassed me beyond words one Sunday in church. One Sunday a month, members of the congregation are invited to come up to the front and share their feelings about God and his hand in our lives. My roommate and I both got in line to speak into the mic. She went first and started to talk about how much she loved her roommates, especially me and how it's so funny that I walk around in my underwear all the time. She told an entire congregation of people that I walk around our apartment in my granny panties! Trying to save face, I took my turn after her and said "Hello. I'm the underwear girl." Got some laughs but I'll never forget being put on the spot like that!
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Happy Birthday! and the Silent Treatment
My freshman year roommate wasn't a horror story, she was just awkward and uncomfortable to be around. I could never so much as change my clothes without feeling like she was totally
creeped out by my partial nudity. She didn’t go out and I could tell she judged
me when I did. She kept to herself and was very considerate of me, but no
matter how many times I tried to joke with her or do something nice for her,
there was just never a friendship spark.
For
her birthday, I decorated the room with streamers and fun stuff. I even bought
her a gift. When my birthday came around, she started counting down the days on
our dry erase board. I was flattered. When my birthday actually came—not a
word. It didn't bother me that she didn't decorate or buy me something, she literally did not speak a word to me. There is no way she could have forgotten
because I was opening presents with my friends in the room while she sat
silently on her computer. Later on in the evening, I returned from dinner
around 8 to a completely dark room and my roommate in bed. She was someone who
regularly stayed up until one or two A.M… so on my birthday—which she
completely failed to acknowledge—I’m supposed to respect her being in bed at 8 PM?? on a Friday night.
It was so rude and strange to me. I only spoke to her when I had to after that
(2 more months).
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Secret Nerd Love
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Midnight Workout
So every night at about 3 or 4am other roommates and I would hear this loud banging out in the hallway. When one of my roommates got up to investigate, she found my "unique" roommate doing exercises stepping up and jumping off a kitchen chair in the hallway. Our living room was just a few extra feet away. You can imagine how loud that must be in the middle of the night. She would go to bed, then wake up super early, do these incredibly noisy exercises and go back to bed all sweaty. It was so weird. Literally ANY OTHER TIME is a better time to work out then 3-4am. I never thought about it until now, but our downstairs neighbors must have wanted to kill us...
One day we all walked into the apartment to find the same girl standing on a chair (she was the shortest girl of the six of us in the apartment) reaching into some food in the cabinet above the fridge (which naturally belonged to the tallest girl in our apartment) and just shoving food into her face. We all gasped and stood there, shocked.
One day we all walked into the apartment to find the same girl standing on a chair (she was the shortest girl of the six of us in the apartment) reaching into some food in the cabinet above the fridge (which naturally belonged to the tallest girl in our apartment) and just shoving food into her face. We all gasped and stood there, shocked.
Clothing Thief
Bath Salts Gone Bad
My family and I once lived next door to this young, single guy and I could often hear his video games through our shared wall. One day it was particularly loud but I ignored it until a few hours later, he came to my door fully dressed but dripping wet, wringing his hands, screaming and begging me to call 911 as he swatted furiously at his skin! He continued to flail around and scream as my kids stared, terrified, from behind me. I called the paramedics and waited with him until they arrived. Later on, he said he didn't remember much of what happened and I asked if he wanted me to fill in the gaps but he was too embarrassed to talk to me about it.
Bathroom Stench
After summer break, I came home to a new roommate and the first thing she said to me was "I'm going to buy my own toilet paper because I use a lot." She wasn't lying. Needless to say, I started using the other bathroom to avoid...the stench.
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