Where's a cat when I need one?

My roommates own 9 rats. 

Work it Out

My roommate leaves notes telling me not to touch the thermostat when I'm cold. She says if I exercised as much as her, then I'd be hot all the time too. 

She Works Hard for the Money

My roommate would leave the lights on all the time and I never said anything about it. But the one time I left lights on myself, she texted me to say "I work hard for my money. Please don't leave lights on."

Reduce Reuse Recycle

When I first moved in to my new place, I would put my recycling next to the trash can, like my family used to do at home. My roommate would bring it into my room while I was away and put the recycling on my bed. 

And You Are?

I once woke up in the middle of the night to a strange man in my dorm room and my roommate no where to be seen. He said she let him use the room to study. I wasn't too happy.

I'm Calling Your Mom

I lived with three roommates, and we all sucked at doing the dishes. Supposedly, it was my turn, so one of the roommates texted me about how I needed to do them right that minute. Well, I was in class, so it needed to wait. She started talking about how immature I was and irresponsible. I laughed it off, because she was the same as me, and told her it would get done when I got to it. She didn't like that, and somehow got my mom's cell phone number. She actually called my mom and has my mom to tell me to do the dishes. My awesome, sweet, polite mother called me, and said she didn't like the way that young woman spoke to her, but maybe I should just do the dishes and from then on, keep my stuff separate. That was the last time I did anyone else's dishes for them.

"Feet-ces"

One of my freshman roommates' room stank with a smell we called "rotten feet-ces." Any time he opened the door it would waft into the central living area. The stench followed him around, on his body or clothes. When we were packing up at the end of the year, he found a old bloated half gallon of milk festering under his bed. Must have been months and months old.

Pay Up.

My roommate moved out a few days before I did, and took our cable modem and one of our cable boxes with her, resulting in me getting charged a couple of hundred bucks for not returning the rented equipment. When I was finally able to hunt her down, she refused to pay up and stopped returning my calls and e-mails.

You Deal With It

When I got our apartment a new microwave, my roommate caught a bag of popcorn on fire inside of it while I was in class. I came back to find the inside of the brand new microwave completely blackened, and the singed bag still in there. When I asked why she didn't clean it up, she said that because it was my microwave, I had to deal with it.

Shaving Etiquette

My roommate would shave her legs in our kitchen sink. 

I'm Fine.

One morning at 3:00 AM my roommate fell from his top bunk and hit his head on our mini fridge. I awoke to him kneeling in the middle of the room, yelling. He told me he just fell on his face and when I asked if he needed any help, he said no, so I fell back asleep. I got up later that morning and my roommate was nowhere in sight. I opened up Facebook and his profile picture was him in a hospital bed with a neck brace! His face was half purple. I looked at the top of a fridge, and there's a small dent...

You. Are. Smoking. Pot

One time my roommate walked into our dorm room, saw smoke from the incense I was burning, and started having a literal panic attack. She was clutching her heart, hyperventilating, and fell against the wall. I asked her what was wrong. She said, between gasps of air, "You. Are. Smoking. Pot." It was really difficult to stifle my laughter as I reassured her that it was just incense that was burning. She eventually calmed down, but was still worried we were going to get busted for the incense.

First Love

My roommate was a pretty shy guy. He didn't talk a lot, only had one friend, and spent most of his time playing halo with said, friend. Eventually, toward the end of the year, he got a girlfriend. This was his first girlfriend, and I think he was her first boyfriend too, and they had a weird way of showing intimacy. For example, she would regularly spend an hour or more popping zits on his back. Also, he once told me that when he or she had to take a "number 2", the other would sit in the bathroom as well to keep each other company.

Pissed

A friend had a roommate who would pee in his trashcan. When my friend asked him stop, he started peeing in my friend's trashcan instead.

Self Obsessed

I had a roommate who basically stayed in our tiny room all day. I'm not even sure she went to class. Most of the time that I looked over at her she was looking at photos of herself on her computer. Her desk was also covered in framed snapshots of herself. Not herself and friends; just herself.

If Not Me, Then Who?

I lived with three girls and one of them dropped a raisin in the middle of our kitchen floor. I'm partly complicit in this since I didn't pick it up myself but that raisin stayed there until the day we moved out.

Collectibles

An old roommate of mine kept a collection of rocks and fish tanks filled with dirt under his bed. 

Dirty Dishes

My roommate left potato soup on the bathroom counter for four days and it turned neon pink.

My Lips Hurt.

I walked into my room and my roommate was eating my chapstick. 

Feng Shui

My roommate texted me two weeks before we moved in together to let me know she switched our rooms because she liked the angles better. 

PePe le Pew

My roommate would only shower every 3 days and you could smell her before you could see her and the smell would linger for hours long after she'd left a room.

Rock the Vote, Schmock the Vote

My roommate once looked me dead in the eye and said "I don't pay attention to politics because they don't affect me."

Ain't Nobody Got Time For That

My roommate used to poop on the toilet seat and refused to clean it up. She told me, "Not everyone has time to check the seat after they poop"

Bio Spill

I had a roommate who had open cups of his own urine on his desk so that he had "fresh urine" to pass drug tests. I found it out the hard way when one spilled all over me.

Old Soul.

I had a housemate who wore long Victorian nightgowns and spent every night playing her keyboard on the harpsichord setting.

Everything in Moderation

I had a roommate in college who skipped class and time with friends to spend hours and hours every day watching TV, shoving food in his face, and playing video games. When he found out his failing grades in his Chinese class, he complained about the teacher's method of grading/teaching. 

Just Do Your Thing. I'll Be Here.

I locked myself out of my apartment one afternoon. Luckily my roommate was inside, but unluckily he was in the shower. It was 4 PM and he was in the shower. It seemed like an obnoxious time to shower in the moment. I had to wait outside until he checked his phone again and realized I was on the porch. 

You Don't Know What You're Missing

My sister moved in with me her freshman year of college. Having never had roommate horror experiences of her own, the issues she'd bring up with me were the few crumbs left by the toaster or the wrong Cheez-Its flavor I bought. I mean, really? 

Love at Home

One year I lived in an apartment with two of my siblings. Everyone asked why we'd do that since supposedly most people don't get along with siblings. We'd tell people we got along fine and that we were close. That was true most of the time, but there were plenty of times when the three of us would literally be yelling over each other, locking ourselves in our rooms, and calling home to complain to our parents. I guess I'm a third responsible for contributing to the conflict, even though I'm the oldest.

#Thishappensinseinfeld

My roommate took off all of her clothes to poop. When she was done, she would get dressed again. She thought everyone did this. 

And then there were 3.

I had a roommate so obsessed with her (creepy) boyfriend, that she left him on Skype throughout the day, even when she left the room. It was like having a third crazy roommate. Once, she sat on the floor directly behind me, facing my desk, staring at a picture of the dude. For ten whole minutes.

Screw it.

Apparently, my roommate doesn't know how to use light switches because he turns off the light by unscrewing the lightbulb.

Geography 101

I had a roommate that tried to argue with me that San Francisco is in Washington, after I told her that I was born and raised in Cali and have been to San Fran many times.

HP4ever

I had a roommate who only showered about once a week, then complain that she itched all over. She's a Pagan, and would do rituals or "wishes" as she called them with her Harry Potter wand she bought at Universal Studios.

Drunk Fight

I lived in a four person college apartment with three other guys. One guy would get hammered every single night. He would then proceed to go full-on redneck and try to fight all of us. It got so bad that we finally went to Lowes and bought some zip ties. After several nights of having his arms and legs bound, he finally moved back in with his parents.

Hot Mess.

I used to have a roommate that didn't clean up, would wipe her make up off on my bath towel, and drove home hammered drunk. Once she even drove through our garage door! She used the barbeque but did not pull it away from the house and all of the siding melted around it. She once bought a dog while I was on vacation and I came home to puppy "accidents" all over the house, including my room and my couch. 

Noisy Fish

The craziest roommate I ever had wouldn't let me get a fish because she said they were too noisy. I never knew fish made noise.

Happy Halloween

Why are skeletons usually so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.

Hoping that you and your roommates have fun pretending to be someone else tonight! Perhaps roommates that get along? Muah haha haha ha

Bed Wetter

A friend of mine had a dorm roommate that wet the bed — not because she was drunk, but because she had a legit medical issue and ran out of her meds and for some unknown reason would not go get more. Anyways, instead of washing her bedding after each ‘incident’ she just kept putting more blankets on top. The room smelled. The hall smelled. The elevator lobby smelled.

Killer Hot Dog

I once lived in a house with about 15 other people. We started off with four, but random people kept showing up and not leaving. One girl would constantly steal from me. First she would steal food and it escalated to her stealing jewelry from my room and even wearing it front of me. She would insist it was hers! One day I went through the house and took all the toilet paper, Kleenex, and towels I could find and hid them. Then I laced a hot dog with Ex-Lax and left it on the counter. It only took her about five minutes to steal and eat the hot dog. Thirty minutes later I saw her emerge from the bathroom looking like she was on the brink of death. She never mentioned the mysterious lack of toilet paper, and my stuff was never stolen again.

Your Hope is Dead

One of my friends had a rabbit called Hope, she came home one day and her housemate looked her dead in the eyes and told her, ‘Your Hope is dead.’ She had no idea what the girl meant until she went into her room to find the rabbit dead on her bed. Her housemate had randomly snapped and killed it. She left that place the next day.

An Underwear Story, Part II.

My roommate once pooped in all my underwear.

For Sale by Roommate

I had a roommate who sold my dog. I came home one night, and my dog was gone! She didn’t tell me where he went. Apparently she told my mom he bit her and my mom came over to get the dog. My roommate listed the dog on Craigslist and told the buyer to go to my mom’s house to pick it up… We ended up getting the dog back after a long and confusing discussion with the lady who bought my dog.

Crossed the Line

My roommate used to ask to borrow my underwear because it was "cuter." Gross and No, Thank You.

Who Made This Big Mess?

I always find myself cleaning up after my roommate. The apartment just gets to the point where I can't take it anymore and I can't get anything done until it's clean. The problem with this is, my roommate gets mad at me for touching her stuff! If you don't want me to touch your things, put your things away!

Trash Talk

My roommate gossips about me when her friends come over late at night. She thinks I'm asleep and can't hear her. 

Stolen Identity

I had a roommate who plotted with her husband, who shared her single bedroom along with her baby, to steal my identity. She snuck in my room, stole my credit cards and social security card, and then drained my financial aid account and ran away to Florida. She left everything in her bedroom except her clothes and I never saw or heard from her again. That is until a few weeks later, when my other roommmate and I realized she had snuck in through her bedroom window and gotten some other things from her room. I was out a few thousand dollars, not to mention her share of the utility bill for the month she was there. 

Bloody Mess

My roommate and I got into a fight over which tv channel to watch. I thought we had worked it out until I came back from out of town the following weekend and found out that she had called the police, accusing me of smearing blood all over her bed and threatening her life! I wasn't even in town when she made a police report and so sure enough, the blood came back as hers and she admitted to the police that she was lying. 

Aye Aye Aye!

My roommate was baking taco shells in the oven and they caught fire!

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

The Winner of our Halloween Candy Giveaway is....

Ryan Skelter!

Ryan, Please send me your mailing info so we can get you your prize right away!

Thank you everyone who sent in their stories, keep them coming! 

Happy Halloween!

👻🍂💀🍁🎃

Couch Surfer

I am uncomfortable with how often my roommate sleeps on the couch. He sleeps in until noon regularly and I feel like I can't get anything done in the morning!

Mathletes

My roommate skypes with her boyfriend, which is normal enough, however they do math problems for fun. Neither he nor she is currently enrolled in any kind of math class or are otherwise involved in math, yet she is looking up questions online to solve together for fun.

Hide and Seek

I once found my expensive new jeans pushed down to the bottom of my roommates bed. 

And the little one said, ROLL OVER

My roommate would snore very loudly every night, so I asked him if it was okay if I could yell at him to tell him to roll over.  Every night I did it, I asked him in the morning if it was okay, and he ALWAYS said yes.  After about six months, I woke him up to tell him to roll over, he chewed me out.  The next morning, he told me how I need to be more considerate of his sleep, and how I am being very rude for waking him up in the middle of the night.

Watch Your Back

My roommate often washes her hair in the shower and leaves the strands that fall out on the shower wall. The other day, I went in to shower and found on the wall, written in her stands of hair, were the words "I hate you." I think I should be worried. 

Halloween Give Away!

Enter to win these eerie lollipops by sending in a roommate story. You can email stopwearingmyclothes@gmail.com, message us on Facebook, or tweet @stpwrngmclths! 

Bonus: if you refer a friend and they share a story, you double your chances of winning!

Happy Halloween and Good Luck!

The winner will be announced Thursday, October 16th.

What's Going on in There?

My roommate constantly leaves the toilet seat up. But I don't get it, because she's a girl.

Four Eyes

One morning, my roommate put on her glass and couldn't see. She thought the blurry vision meant she got her eyesight back, and no longer needed glasses. What actually happened was she slept with her contacts in. 

I See Dead People

I believe that my roommate talks to a ghost named Adam, in her sleep. 

Dirty Dishes

My roommate leaves her dirty tupperware containers open on the kitchen counter for days at a time. This week, she left a half eaten container of left over spaghetti on the counter for four days.

Health Nut

My roommate wakes up in the night with the sudden urge to take vitamins. She jumps up out of bed, runs to the kitchen, and takes them!

Hit the Light

My roommate wakes up before me in the morning. He turns on the light to get ready and then leaves me, trying to sleep, with the light on. 

Midnight Movie

My roommate and I share a room. At night, while I'm trying to sleep, she watches movies on her laptop. Without headphones. 

Up in the Night

It was around two or three o clock in the morning when I woke up to a blue glow covering the walls. I rubbed my eyes began to look for the source of the obnoxious light that was illuminating my typically pitch black dorm room. I glanced at the floor only to find my roommate with a head lamp strapped around her forehead, assembling an enormous Harry Potter puzzle. Although the early morning puzzle session was obnoxious, she was at least courteous enough to drape her majestic unicorn blanket over her head to subdue some of the light when she noticed I had woken up.

Feeding Frenzy

I didn't even realize I was feeding my roommates the last 2 weeks until I went to eat my food and noticed it was gone. It's so crazy.

Early Bird.

My new roommate goes to sleep at 9:30pm. Even on Friday nights. I think that says it all. 

Sneaky Sneaky

I let a friend stay with me in my old apartment for a few weeks until my lease was up and we planned on finding a new place together. One day, I took so long looking for my favorite pair of shoes that I missed the bus to school. Later that night, I saw them with the rest of my shoes. I brushed it off, thinking they were just under my nose the whole time. Another night, this friend joined some of my friends to come watch me in a dance performance. I went up to say hi to them afterward and I noticed my friend was in my shirt! To this day, she never has asked to borrow any of my clothes, but would be sneaky and wear them all of the time!

Sinking Feeling

It's pretty common for roommates to struggle over doing dishes but I'm the type of person to just see that dishes need to be washed, and wash all of them. I wish my roommate could return the favor once in a while. She digs through the sink to find her own dishes and only washes those!

I Like Eggs

I randomly ended up moving in with my sister and two of her friends when I started college. They seemed like okay girls but I had no interest in getting to know them. I began to notice that everyday when I came back to the apartment, it smelled like eggs.  As it turned out, one of the girls did not know how to cook and only knew how to make eggs! She would make eggs everyday! The smell of eggs is pretty gross to say the least. It took me about a year to be able to eat eggs again. 

What's Mine is Ours.

My roommate and I live on our college campus. He has a "meal plan" with our school, and I buy my own groceries. He has access to unlimited amounts of food on campus, yet he still manages to eat half of my groceries every week.

What's that smell?

My roommate smells exactly like a wet dog.

Half and Half

My roommate and I both live in the dorms on our college campus. Our dorm room could be the scene of a cliche movie; directly split in half with my side orderly and clean, and his side explosive and disastrous.

Walking Christmas Tree.

One time my roommate left our dorm room wrapped up in illuminating colored Christmas lights. He was an electrical engineering major so I didn't ask questions. I watched him leave from our window. People did double takes and looked just as perplexed as I did.

image here. 

Swimming, Showering, same thing.

Freshman year of college, they overbooked the dorms, so I decided to rent a room in a three-bedroom apartment. I went up early with my parents to check it out and one of my new roommates met us to show us the place. We met her as she was carrying her bike up three flights of stairs. When we reached the apartment door my mom made a comment about how she must be excited to be home and be able to take a shower since she was sweaty from riding her bike all day. She said, "No I'm ok. I jumped in the pool yesterday." I ended up living there but thank goodness we didn't have to share a bedroom or a bathroom!

Battle of the Bowl

I had a strange roommate who was taking wood shop or some kind of wood working class at the college we went to. She was constantly coming home with things she made, and filling our already crammed and cluttered apartment with her homework assignments. One day me and another girl were cleaning the apartment and decided to organize the desk in the living room that had gotten out of control. We cleared it off, putting various papers and belongings away, including a large and ugly bowl, which we stuck on top of the fridge. The next day, I woke up to find the ugly bowl back out on the desk. I laughed and told the other roommate, who then grabbed the bowl and hid it in the hall closet under some blankets. Next morning THE BOWL WAS BACK ON THE DESK! This time, less amused and a little more creeped out, my roommate took the bowl and hid it again. The next morning I didn't wake up to the bowl on the desk, but a rather, a rude note taped to the bathroom mirror addressed to ME! Saying that "everything was fine before I got there and blah blah blah give me my bowl back." Annoyed, I ripped up the letter and sprinkled it all over her bed. She came home, and my roommate confessed that she was the one hiding her bowl. No apologies were given, we just continued avoiding each other from that point on.

Inspector Gadget

In my experience with roommates, one stands out as a bit more odd than others. She wore the same uniform everyday: light khaki pants with a black Tshirt tucked in, black belt and a black floor length trench coat. She always had her pockets full of things and trinkets hanging off of her belt loops. She looked like a female inspector gadget. I always thought she must have had to wake up an hour earlier to get all her 'getup' on everyday. She never wanted to shower and smelled so strongly of B.O. that it actually was brought up very awkwardly in our 'roommate meetings' on more than one occasion. Her and I never really tried to have a relationship, I think we both knew it was pointless. She was in a medieval club and I was well, not the type to ever be in a medieval club. We had nothing in common, but we would nod our heads or smile politely in passing never really having any conversations. 

Players gonna Play

My roommate and I found out that we were hanging out with the same guy; while he was kissing me and talking crap about her, he was also kissing her and talking crap about me. We ditched that guy and egged his car.

Image here.  

Suds

One time, I came home to a blanket of soap suds covering the kitchen floor and spilling out onto the carpet of the living room! Turns out, my roommate had used dish soap in the dishwasher instead of dishwasher soap! Apparently, it makes a HUGE difference. 

Copy Cat

My roommate would get dressed from clothes in my closet daily, without asking or anything. When I would say something, she would just tell me how much she liked it. She would work out and be active in my clothes, and they would get all sweaty and gross. I asked her to stop and after that, when I had something she liked, she would just buy the exact same thing. 

Tagged on Facebook

I went out of town one weekend and as I was casually checking Facebook, I saw that my roommate was tagged in a few photos wearing my clothes! It happened a few times before I could work up the courage to speak up!

Bunk Beds

When I lived in dorms, I came home several times to my roommate sleeping in my bottom bunk. He was "too tired" to climb to the top.

Signs

I had a roommate that drank lots of water and left glasses of water all over the house. Picture it like the little girl from the movie, Signs. Sometimes, she would forget which one was hers, but the thing was, they were all hers!

Who Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar?

My roommate used to eat in her sleep. She would wake up in the morning and ask me why there were cookies in her bed! 

Hint Hint

My roommate and I had been randomly placed together in a dorm.  We were very different; she was from a small town and I was from a big city.  She wasn't into clothes and makeup and I couldn't have loved them more.  I started noticing that some of my clothes had VERY strong body odor smell in my closet.  I couldn't figure it out!  I would wash them, put them back, and next thing I knew, they would smell like body odor again.  There was one dress in particular that this kept happening to.  I finally confronted her about it and she admitted to borrowing my clothes.  I told her how I knew.  She must have been so embarrassed, but I really needed it to stop happening.  I'm pretty sure she even did it a few times even after we talked about it!

Fish in the Bathtub

My roommates and I got home late one night, like around midnight. I went to take a shower since we had been up in the mountains doing a bonfire, but there were 8 large carp swimming around with their poop in my shower! It turned out it was one of our old roommates who had recently moved out and didn't like us. She still had her key, and she used it to get in and put fish in the tub! We spent the rest of the night trying to catch the fish. 

Megatron

As I was studying in my room one afternoon, my roommate came home with the new Transformers DVD. I could only hear her come in so we didn't make eye contact, and she didn't say hello. The first thing I hear (in the most transformer-like voice an 18 year old girl can make), 

"Megatrooooon!"

Explosives.

I once lived with three other girls, one of which had just bought a new microwave. One night, she and I came home to find that something had exploded in the microwave. My roommate was pissed; not only did someone explode something but they just left it there! She knocked on the other girls’ bedroom doors and the culprit came running out of her room, “No, no, no! It’s okay! It’s just wax!” and points at her arm. It’s okay to explode wax in the microwave because you waxed your arms? No.

Help Yourself

One of my roommates sweetly helped me pack up my things and move out of our apartment. About a week later, I saw she posted some pictures online in a few of my clothes!

What's Yours is Mine

One morning, I woke up to see that my roommate was getting dressed in a new top that belonged to me. I hadn't even worn it yet! I told her, "Hey, that top is brand new." She just laughed, took the tags off, and walked right out the door.

Work it Out

When I lived with roommates, I used to work out to exercise DVDs in my room. One of my roommates would shout at me from the other side of my bedroom door, "I know you're having sex in there! I hear that heavy breathing!" She refused to believe that I was just working out!

Hot Dog Juice

I once had a roommate who would only eat hot dogs and ground beef. She would leave hot dog juice in the fridge and stringy ground beef on the stove.

Late Night Phone Calls

My roommate sophomore year of college was an absolute sweetheart. We got along well and remain friendly to this day; however, there was just one thing she would do that even today drives me bananas. After a few months of living together, I suddenly woke up one night at 3AM to hear her talking. Confused, I started listening and realized she was speaking Spanish, which told me she was on the phone with her mom. I thought that was bizarre, since I know my parents go to sleep like old people do at 9PM, but I brushed it off thinking that maybe she was having a bad night and needed some guidance. 

Fast forward a week, and I woke up at 4AM hearing her talking again, but this time she was giggling like a fool and speaking in English. I knew it couldn't be her mom on the other end and so I listened until I finally heard her say her boyfriend’s name! It was strange because her boyfriend not only went to school with us, but he lived in a dorm literally connected to ours. I let it slide the first couple of times it happened, but soon she was up every night either chatting with her mom or her boyfriend until the crack of dawn! 

Image here.

Sorry for Being so Loud Last Night

I was graduating in December and my lease ended in August, so I took to Craigslist to find something temporary. A woman in her late twenties messaged me, and while she seemed quirky, she was clean and fine with short-term. Everything was cool until she got a boyfriend. Apparently they were quite sexually active. I never heard anything, but the roommate cornered me in my room to apologize for being "soooo loud." This conversation happened repeatedly.


Today we also have our move ticket give away WINNER!

EMILY SMITH

Emily, please send me your mailing address!
Thank you, everyone, for your stories and please keep them coming!

Leave it to Beaver

I once had a roommate who had a chubby boyfriend named Beaver who would sleep on our couch without a shirt on. EVERY. DAY. Rain or shine.

Yelling at my Friends

I once had a roommate who would yell at my friends anytime they were over.

Win Movie Tickets for Two!

Happy Friday! TGIF, #amiright? Today we have a fun giveaway - you can win movie tickets for two to Cinemark! To enter, just email stopwearingmyclothes@gmail.com with your roommate story. If you pin this image on pinterest, or tweet* about the giveaway, you could earn two bonus entries! The winner will be announced Wednesday, 8/20. Good Luck!

If you tweet about the contest, be sure to hashtag #stopwearingmyclothes and tag @stpwrngmclths 

The Ring

My roommate only took baths... There was a permanent black ring around the tub.

Keep it in the Bedroom

One night, I came home from a long day at work to find a guys pants in the middle of our living room and a bunch of candles lit around the apartment. The least they could have done was keep it in the bedroom!

Someone Under My Bed

I lived in the dorms my freshman year of college, sharing a room with one other girl. Much to my dismay, her boyfriend would always be hanging out in our tiny 75 square foot room. He would bring his roommate over, and they both would end up sleeping over. Her boyfriend in her bed, his roommate UNDER my bed.

The Alcoholic

My roommate would drink vodka from a Nalgene water bottle on a nightly basis and tell us it was water.

Haha. Not funny.

One of my roommates was a true prankster and as hilarious as he thought he was, he just mostly ticked me off. One night, my alarm went off at 3am. Startled, I jumped out of bed, clumsily searching around my room for the source of the noise. It took me forever to finally find it under a pile of clothes. At the time, I just thought it was a strange, isolated incident. But then it happened again, the next night (or morning) at 3am. This time, I put two and two together, and knew it was my roommate. Furious and delirious from waking up from a dead sleep, I shut off the alarm, which was hidden under a floor board this time, and yelled “JERK!” into the darkness. In the morning he laughed it off, called me a few names, and I thought we were good but that night when my alarm went off at 3am for the third time, I got out of bed enraged, snatched the alarm from behind my box fan and chucked it out the window. I watched it shatter on the street and in the morning, I picked up the pieces and put them in front of my obnoxious roommate. “Happy? You owe me an alarm clock.” 

Image here.

When Your Roommate Embarrasses You...

 My roommate and I went to a party together. She playfully told me that if I didn't ask this cute guy to dance, she would sing to him for me. So I went and asked him, and as we started dancing, she decided to sing to him anyway! The most awkward  performance/audience/third wheel  situation I've even been a part of. 

Cupboard Doors

I once lived with several girls and we had a tendency to leave cupboard doors open. One of the girls was particularly annoyed by this and asked the rest of us to start closing the cupboard doors. Of course, we tried to remember but our efforts were in vain and three days later, she unscrewed every cupboard door in the kitchen and hid them all in her car! This same roommate would take our dishes and hide them in the closet if they weren’t cleaned directly after eating.  

I'm Tired of Listening to You Talk

My boyfriend and I were hanging out at his house. In the kitchen, his roommate and roommate’s girlfriend were also hanging out. We walked into the kitchen while they were talking, and my boyfriend commented on something that was said. The roommate’s girlfriend looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and said sternly “I’m tired of listening to you talk.” We didn’t even know how to react to that, so we just stayed quietly in the living room for the rest of the night. 

Bloody Mess

My diabetic roommate would check her blood sugar by pricking her finger and collecting the blood onto this little test strip, as many of you may already know. However, this roommate would then just drop the little bloody test strips right on the floor. All over the house. 

Mermaid Roommates

I lived with a girl once who only ever took baths, never showers...which isn't too ridiculously weird, but a little peculiar for a 20 something adult.  Even stranger, was that every time I would use the bathroom after she bathed, the bathroom floor would be covered in half an inch of water. Literally, water everywhere! I couldn't understand it until one day I heard it....I mean, her. She was THRASHING around in the tub. One could only assume she was doing flips or 'playing mermaid' by the amount of water you would hear splashing out of the tub and onto the floor. 

A Rotting CrockPot

On Sundays, we would take turns cooking dinner for everyone in our apartment. A roommate used the crock pot one week. After dinner she filled it up with water to let it soak to clean it. We all thought she'd leave it over night, a day MAX. But no, she let it sit there on the counter for DAYS. We started leaving sticky notes on it that said "clean me!", but she still didn't get the hint. It became the awkward elephant in the room...and it started growing stuff. Eventually one of the other roommates got so sick of it she just cleaned it out. The roommate who used it never said anything about it.

Tick Tock!

I went to BYU and they have a strict "no co-eds in your apartment after midnight" policy. My roommates were pretty normal about it but if I was at my boyfriend's apartment after midnight, his roommate would come into the living room and imitate a clock striking midnight by clapping his hands over his head and saying "Tick Tock! It's Midnight! Time to go!" He stood there like that until I left. 

She Doesn't Even Go Here!

    

 I live with one of my best friends and a random girl we don’t know in a house. We thought this girl seemed really cool. She’s several years older than us, but a huge baby. She is the epitome of a bad roommate. One evening after a night on the town, me and my best friend returned home to sleep. As I enter my room, I hear my friend yell from her room. There was a drunken, naked stranger sleeping (and DROOLING WHAT APPEARED TO BE VOMIT) in her bed. Apparently, our roommate had a guest from out of town visit and told her we wouldn't be coming home and that it was okay to sleep in our beds. We tried to wake the girl and tell her to move nicely, but she was plastered and started to curse and yell at us. Our roommate then yelled at us to “quiet down” because she was trying to sleep.

Image here. 

Get your Tan on

One of my very conservative roommates and I had a class at the same time, and had to walk all the way across campus to get there from our dorms. Since it was summer, I'd roll my sleeves up to get some sun on my shoulders and keep from getting a farmer's tan. One day she asked me why I did that everyday, and I told her. She replied, "I think farmer's tans are sexy...they show you're modest."

Image here.

Avoiding the Mess

     I had a disastrously messy and annoying roommate. I tried my hardest to avoid him and his mess at all costs. So when he told me that he would be away for "Hell Week," with his fraternity, I looked forward to the vacation. The moment he walked out the door, I immediately started kicking and shoving his stuff from around the room to under and on top of his bed. I could finally move around my dorm without fear of catching a bacterial infection! In the middle of my cleaning frenzy, he rushed back in to quickly grab something he forgot. I froze. I was caught. He didn't say a word to me, just grabbed what he needed and left. I hope that he would get that his mess pissed me off and he would be a little tidier after that, but he wasn't. 

Keep the Planet Clean (and me out of trouble)

My dorm roommate littered our room and bathroom with his sweaty exercise clothes, which is one thing. But  he left them lying around for weeks and I am not kidding you - weeks! They quite literally began to rot. The smell was sour, putrid. All around me his trash, dirty dishes, and packs of condoms were piled high. I kept quiet until he stashed bottle of whiskey on a shelf. If alcohol was caught in our dorm we'd both be kicked out and I didn't want my good name going down in this mess. After asking him to get rid of it for my sake, he instead hid the bottle under some clothes in his closet. Problem = not solved. 

Giveaway Winner!

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Caroline Rane!

Caroline, please email stopwearingmyclothes@gmail.com with your shipping address!

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Privacy, Please

My college roommate liked to leave the bathroom door open, if you know what I mean. So it was everyone's business that he was completely unsanitary and refused to flush the toilet or wash his hands. One time, I made the mistake of using the bathroom after him, but what I found was bloody water in the toilet and drops of blood all over the seat! I don't even want to know...

World War Decor

I moved in with five other girls one year and I only knew one of them. The walls in our apartment were quite bare, so I put a couple pieces of art up, some candles, and a couple other random things. The next day when I came home, I noticed they were in a different spot, which I thought was weird. Come to find out, a couple of the girls didn't like where I put my stuff. So I moved it back. A couple days later, one of them hung up this really REALLY ugly purple tie-dye BLANKET on the wall above the couch. She said if I could decorate, then so could she. I took it down. I mean, it was fugly...purple tie-dye? No. So we went back and forth for a couple of weeks, taking each other's "decor" down or moving it. Basically, an all out decorating war. It ,was really obnoxious. But I mean, really? A purple tie-dye blanket on the wall? No.

Dont forget to enter the giveaway, here.

Shoplifters of the World, Unite

After a few years of living on my own, I had a roommate that was fresh out of high school and still very immature. She was a complete liar and a thief and she was constantly eating everyone else's food. It got so bad that one of my other roommates made brownies packed full of ex-lax and left them out as bait! She stole jewelry and CDs and other random things around the apartment. As she was young and gullible, another roommate and I were able to convince  her that MTV was going to come and make a reality show centered around us. We even got her to sign a fake waiver! We once overheard her telling her boyfriend she might be on MTV. She was probably disappointed to see that the show never aired.

Enter the Giveaway here.

Image here.

My Poor Chicken

     My roommate ate a weeks worth of chicken I had prepared when I was especially poor and trying to avoid eating out. I asked her about it and she admitted to it and apologized. As a friendly reminder, I left a note on the fridge because I couldn't afford to have my food eaten. Two weeks later after we literally talked about it face to face, she sent me a text saying I needed to “say it to her face” and “let’s hash this out like big girls."

Get it Done Giveaway!

To say thank you for supporting me in this new blog venture, I want to give my readers a little somethin' somethin'! Thank you for submitting your stories and coming back here daily to read what others have had to say! Enter to win this Rifle Paper Co. Notepad by following the instructions below. You can enter in up to four different ways and a winner will be chosen on Friday! Good luck!

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Mi Casa es (Not) su Casa

My roommate’s boyfriend has a key. I found that out when I was studying one day and he entered our apartment. I didn’t really care until he went into the bathroom, took an enormously large and awful smelling dump, and then left. He lives a few blocks away.

Midnight Workout (of the Karate variety)

   One of my roommates would practice Karate moves in a full karate suit every night. Before going to bed with his nun-chucks, he would bring them to check each window and door in the apartment, along with a maglite flashlight, in the pitch black darkness of our house. 

     This same roommate would also slurp snot out of his sinuses! If you knew me, you would know this is a huge pet peeve of mine. One time, we were riding in the car together and after the millionth nose-slurp, I snapped! I unbuckled his seat belt and veered off to the side of the road, threatening to toss him out of the moving car! We bounced along the shoulder for a while, while he screamed and shouted at me "You're Crazy!" I told him he is the one who made me crazy! And then I pulled back onto the road. An appropriate way to handle conflict, no?

Honestly, Honor Codes

I asked a roommate to burn a CD for me because I liked the music she was listening to. She said no, because that would be breaking the BYU honor code.

Living with a Pig

My roommate my freshman year of college was almost literally a pig accepted to the university. At three AM, while most people including myself are asleep, he'd come back to our dorm, loudly heat up a hot pocket and eat it chewing with his mouth open and breathing as heavy as I'd ever heard a person breathe while eating. He would enjoy those hot pockets while watching YouTube videos and although he kindly wore headphones, he would also laugh. out. loud.

 I had to sleep with an iPod ready for when he got home to ignore the mouth noises, and cologne on my pillow to avoid the hot pocket stench. You know how it is once you don't like someone, and then every thing they do drives you crazy? It was like that.

Image found here.

One Man's Treasure...

I bought a really nice pitcher to make sangria with. I left it in the kitchen and before I ever got to make sangria with it, my roommate put sunflowers that her boyfriend gave her in the pitcher. We have like 7 vases. A few weeks later, I bought my other roommate roses for her birthday and put them in a vase. Our 3rd roommate’s cat broke the vase the next day while we were gone, and instead of putting the flowers in another vase (or my freaking pitcher, where was that idea?) she threw perfectly beautiful and alive flowers in the trash. We wondered where they went for like a week.

You're Welcome (Not)

   My roommate went out of town. She has a cat and asked me to feed it while she was gone for $20. She didn’t leave any cat food so I fed it my tuna all weekend. She came back, never apologized, and never paid me.

Image found here.

My House, My Granny Panties

I have a roommate that embarrassed me beyond words one Sunday in church. One Sunday a month, members of the congregation are invited to come up to the front and share their feelings about God and his hand in our lives. My roommate and I both got in line to speak into the mic. She went first and started to talk about how much she loved her roommates, especially me and how it's so funny that I walk around in my underwear all the time. She told an entire congregation of people that I walk around our apartment in my granny panties! Trying to save face, I took my turn after her and said "Hello. I'm the underwear girl." Got some laughs but I'll never forget being put on the spot like that!

Happy Birthday! and the Silent Treatment

My freshman year roommate wasn't a horror story, she was just awkward and uncomfortable to be around. I could never so much as change my clothes without feeling like she was totally creeped out by my partial nudity. She didn’t go out and I could tell she judged me when I did. She kept to herself and was very considerate of me, but no matter how many times I tried to joke with her or do something nice for her, there was just never a friendship spark.

For her birthday, I decorated the room with streamers and fun stuff. I even bought her a gift. When my birthday came around, she started counting down the days on our dry erase board. I was flattered. When my birthday actually came—not a word. It didn't bother me that she didn't decorate or buy me something, she literally did not speak a word to me. There is no way she could have forgotten because I was opening presents with my friends in the room while she sat silently on her computer. Later on in the evening, I returned from dinner around 8 to a completely dark room and my roommate in bed. She was someone who regularly stayed up until one or two A.M… so on my birthday—which she completely failed to acknowledge—I’m supposed to respect her being in bed at 8 PM?? on a Friday night. It was so rude and strange to me. I only spoke to her when I had to after that (2 more months).

Secret Nerd Love

My roommate and his girlfriend learned Klingon and would have secret nerd love conversations.

Midnight Workout

So every night at about 3 or 4am other roommates and I would hear this loud banging out in the hallway. When one of my roommates got up to investigate, she found my "unique" roommate doing exercises stepping up and jumping off a kitchen chair in the hallway. Our living room was just a few extra feet away. You can imagine how loud that must be in the middle of the night. She would go to bed, then wake up super early, do these incredibly noisy exercises and go back to bed all sweaty. It was so weird. Literally ANY OTHER TIME is a better time to work out then 3-4am. I never thought about it until now, but our downstairs neighbors must have wanted to kill us...

One day we all walked into the apartment to find the same girl standing on a chair (she was the shortest girl of the six of us in the apartment) reaching into some food in the cabinet above the fridge (which naturally belonged to the tallest girl in our apartment) and just shoving food into her face. We all gasped and stood there, shocked. 

Infrequent Bather

I had a roommate that would shower once a week.

Clothing Thief

I have several stories revolving around one roommate in particular. She was from Alaska. Petite, kind of quiet and awkward.. Sometimes I would walk into my bedroom and find her trying on my clothes. We were NOT the same size. She was way tinier than me! She would gasp and awkwardly cover herself as she had her arms midway into one of my sweaters or shirts, never having asked if she could borrow it or try it. I would either walk out and shut the door and re-enter a few minutes later to her sitting on her bed reading a book as if it never happened, or I would walk in and pretend I didn't see what was going on and grab what I needed and leave. One time she went out of town and took a pair of my shoes with her. Shoes I wore almost daily. Again, she never asked. And it wasn't like we were particularly close which made it all the more uncomfortable. Someone kept going into my makeup bag and using my stuff. The funny thing is, had she just asked, I would let her use or borrow whatever she wanted! I asked during a "roommate meeting" for whoever was using my makeup to please stop. Or just ask me first but they didn't. We all knew it was her. Finally I left a note in my makeup bag that said "Karma is a real thing. Using someone's things without asking them is STEALING!" and it stopped after that.

Bath Salts Gone Bad

My family and I once lived next door to this young, single guy and I could often hear his video games through our shared wall. One day it was particularly loud but I ignored it until a few hours later, he came to my door fully dressed but dripping wet, wringing his hands, screaming and begging me to call 911 as he swatted furiously at his skin! He continued to flail around and scream as my kids stared, terrified, from behind me. I called the paramedics and waited with him until they arrived. Later on, he said he didn't remember much of what happened and I asked if he wanted me to fill in the gaps but he was too embarrassed to talk to me about it. 

Bathroom Stench

After summer break, I came home to a new roommate and the first thing she said to me was "I'm going to buy my own toilet paper because I use a lot." She wasn't lying. Needless to say, I started using the other bathroom to avoid...the stench.